3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
