i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
