addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
