Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
