did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
