you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
