I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
