how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
