I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Your tits are I can't wait for
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
