If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
