The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
