i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You smell like stripper and shame
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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