hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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