yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
