You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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