she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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