Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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