it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
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