I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
