she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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