There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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