so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
