glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
