i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
