I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
