i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
