i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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