Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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