Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
