I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
