oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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