Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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