i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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