New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
