I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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