I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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