Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i believe in u and ur pee
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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