Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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