just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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