I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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