What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
