Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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