just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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