it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
