I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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