Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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