My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
