he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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