So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
