I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
