Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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