how can u be prego again
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My vagina just clenched in fear
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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