Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
