What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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