you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
