I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
