and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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