this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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