I can tuck mytits in my pants
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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