Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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