Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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