my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
