He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize