I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
