Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
