Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
