his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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